Worst Mother EVER........

Today started as any other Sunday. Got the kids up, showered and ready for church. Didn't quite get my hair the way I wanted it. We were a bit rushed. Late for church. Enjoyed the lessons in church. It seems that Sundays are a bit hectic. Before church, hectic. During church, hectic. After church, you guessed it, hectic. But today, my world just about fell apart. After church we said our goodbyes to family and headed out the door. My husband, six children and I. We walk down the steps and started to make our way towards our car. I notice that there are five walking with me. I quickly scan my surroundings. Still, there are only five. I ask my husband.
"Where's Devon? Where is DEVON?"
He looks across the parking lot, my eyes follow, and there he was. He spots us and starts running our way. I start to yell out to him to stop........ BAM ......... He was hit by a truck. My heart stopped. Everything happened so fast. But that moment when he was hit slowed down. It felt like it played over and over in my head. I ran to him. Tears. I haven't stopped crying yet. I picked my little boy up. Tears streaming down his face. Crying. I gave him a quick look over. He was ok. A bit banged up on his face and shoulder. But he was breathing. Heart beating. All in one piece. Scared out of his wits. But he was ok.
Thankfully, the driver was not driving too fast, and he saw my little boy. Slammed on his breaks. It could have been worse. And that keeps filling my mind. It could have been WORSE.
Too often, I am just so busy with everything else that I don't really pay attention to my kids. I could be doing something, and they ask me a question and I just brush them off with a simple nod, or yes. NOT really listening. Too often I'm so preoccupied with how hectic the day is going and all the noise that surrounds me, trying to block it out. That I don't realize my little boy is half way across the parking lot. Like today.
I feel like such a terrible mother. I did not do my job today. I dd not hold him close. I did not look after him like I am supposed to. I did not do that and he was hurt because of it. We got home. We talked about what happened. I cried even more. I think I cried enough for the two of us. Tears of regret. Then he pulls this out.

He says, "Mom, this is me. I have a happy face and a sad face."
I ask him, "How do you feel right now?"
He says, "Sad"
I ask, "Why?"
His response, "Because I got hit by a car, and I made you cry."
I held him in my arms and cried even more. I know, worst mother ever! I should be brave for him, but I can't. I don't know what I would do if anything were to ever happen to any of my kids. I can't even begin to comprehend how parents deal with such a loss. I know I couldn't handle it. I am not equipped with such bravery.
I am so thankful to the Lord that he was doing my job, when I wasn't. That he was looking out for my little boy. That the driver was looking out. Thankful that my little boy is alive. That I still have him here with me. I think I need him more than he needs me.