The last couple of months have been a struggle. Seeing you through some hard times. But we've been here before. We've always seen each other through the good and the bad. Through our happiest moments and our saddest. In the past 2 months I have tried to be there for you. I have tried to be strong for you, but when you leave, the struggles you face haunt me. My heart aches for you. Behind closed doors, I cry for you. I can't show you my weakness because I know I need to be strong for you. And in one day, it changes. I let this anger get the best of me, and I show you my weakness. I say things that sisters should never utter. All my frustrations come out in a slur of insults, because of the hurt, and my love for you. I try to show you that I have no feelings for you.. and yet, sleep evades me. I wonder, where are you? Are you safe? Have you eaten? In my 30 years I don't think that there was such a separation. Although we have been apart, I could always feel you in my heart. In my thoughts. But now, I can't see you, not even in my dreams. Has this anger blinded me? All I know is that every time I have fallen, you were right by my side. You were always there with open arms and encouraging words. Where did things go so wrong? How did we end up on different sides of the fence? I know that it is your decision. I know that ultimately, only you can make this choice. I just don't know how to deal with your choice. I don't want to see you hurt anymore. I don't want to see you living in this nightmare. I want you to be loved, the way you deserve! I want so much for you to be happy, and at this point, I'm afraid for you. How much more can you take? I know, I can't take much more. I can't see that pain in your eyes anymore. But I know that I have added to that pain. How I wish I could take those words back. I haven't been able to be truly happy, because I see the road that you walk. I hope that we have the strength to mend things, so you won't have to walk it alone. I love you.
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
3 comments:
Hey Girl!
Just wanted to say I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. You amaze me.
One Love,
Niva
Aww..sis.. I'm cryin for you and ME! I feel the exact same way about my sisters.. I just want to wring their necks when I see them walking into disaster and I say ALOT of things that I later regret. Thank you for the amazing post. You're an awesome sister, and I know you only hope for the best for your sibs. Love ya sis :)
Niva- Thanks girl. It's always good to hear from you!
Tino- Hahaha please don't tell me its hereditary! J/K! Well, we love them and I just wanted her to know that no matter what.. I love her! And the same goes for you!
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